While Watching "The Insider" Last Night

  • TV: We now turn to our 'Sex Expert' [name forgotten] for insight on this important Hollywood story...
  • Me (to wife): What makes someone a "sex expert"? I mean, did she just have a lot of sex? I've had a lot of sex over the years, maybe I can become a sex expert.
  • Wife: *giggles*
  • Me: Maybe she's particularly good at sex. I think I'm particularly good at sex. I really think I can become a sex expert. You know, I've been looking for something to do after I retire in a few years.
  • Wife: Then it's a good thing you have a generous pension plan.
  • Me: I'll show you my "generous pension plan".
  • Wife: Not too expert-y right there, pal.

Programming Idea

I’ve developed a show that’s the exact opposite of The Voice. Attractive contestants come out while the celebrity judges stare directly at them.

Then the contestants begin singing really poorly and the celebrity judges’ chairs swivel around while the judges put their fingers in their ears.

I don’t know what happens next but the show will be called “The Price Is Right” or something cool like that.

Time And Space

On Cosmos, Neil DeGrasse Tyson stated that when we look at stars in the sky we are not seeing them as they are in the present. Nay, due to the time that light takes to reach our eyes from the stars’ great distances, we are actually seeing what they were like millions of years ago.

By extension, when we look at each other we are not seeing what the other person looks like at the present moment, but at some moment in the past.

All I have to say to all of you is, man, you have really let yourself go.

Question Only For The Serious Microbloggers Out There

Is it still called “live blogging” when you are making fun of a program (oh, like maybe the Oscars, for example, hypothetically speaking of course) on every form of social media when you aren’t really watching it at all?

Or haven’t watched it for the past several years.

Or haven’t seen a movie nominated for an Academy Award.

Or haven’t seen an actual movie.

Or own a TV.

Or have a blog.

Or remember what his original point was.