“Is it safe to come out now?”
~ Me, who has been hiding in the Gap dressing room since early Black Friday morning. Why are the lights turned out?
Another extended weekend, another foray into the consumer abyss I un-affectionately call ‘Costco’.
I’ve written about Costco before, and why not? There’s the absurdity of buying items so large and unwieldy that you must also buy a crane in order to move it into your cart. And don’t think you can’t buy a crane there, either. That’s the second surreal facet of the Costco experience—there are no limits to the type of items you can find there for purchase.
As an experiment, I once decided to create a Costco shopping list by first conducting a series of random image searches on Google. Here were the results:
1. A kayak
2. Uranium ore
3. E. Coli (magnified 300x)
4. The state of Wisconsin
5. A 19-year-old girl, likely drunk, sporting “duck lips” and flashing a sideways peace sign
6. Lady GaGa
7. The Space Shuttle
And with this list, I set off to shop. Just to make it more challenging, I gave myself a 90-minute time limit. Not because it made it more difficult to find the items but because it gave me a valid excuse to barrel over and through those aisle-hogs who seem to prefer the absolute center of narrow places.
In the end, I have to admit that the final results were mixed. Here’s an item-by-item report:
1. That was easy. There were 6 of them on sale as soon as I walked into the place. Gotta make room for the Xmas decorations coming in next week, you know.
2. A little difficult to find. But noticed some right next to the contact lens cleaning solution in Aisle 2 — Health and Beauty Aids and Radioactive Materials. Of course. Silly me.
3. Due to my time of arrival, I decided to eat at the food court. Now we wait and see…
4. A salesperson claimed they were out of stock and instead suggested I buy a 24lb. wheel of cheese. Seemed like good advice.
5. Oh man, what I would’ve given to find THAT thereER, WHEN I WAS 19 I MEAN
6. Didn’t find one on the shelves but saw one being returned on my way out. I guess I’ll have to wait for the reboxing.
7. Saw the bubble-packaging, but I guess to discourage shoplifting, you have to take it to a room in the back of the place where they present you with the actual item. A little inconvenient, I think, particularly if you are in a hurry.
These eggs are cage-free because we want our eggs running all over the farm.
Target. Where great credit cards come to die.
Drama Clean for the drama Queen.
(I bought myself 3 bottles.)
Who has two bellies?
This is why I hate the mall.
I thought I had it bad until I saw this guy.
My deepest sympathies, big feller.
Here at Costco, they make the shoppers and carts ride the escalators separately. BUT HE’S NEVER BEEN ON HIS OWN BEFORE!