Insect Aside

I’m not sure who does their P.R. or which PAC is secretly behind them, but somehow ladybugs have been given a free pass.

What I mean is this, ladybugs (which CAN’T all be female, mind you) have the reputation for being cute, amiable and helpful. Now, I’ll give you that they are helpful. Lady bugs eat aphids, which are like the hobos of the garden. But you don’t see people cozying up to dragonflies, do you? And dragonflies eat a whole load of gnats and mosquitoes, which are like the vampires of the garden. Heck, even people who are notoriously bug-phobic get all giddy when a ladybug lands on them.

"Awe wook at the cute wadybug cwaling all over me!"

So, let’s be honest. Ladybugs get a pass because they are physically more attractive (or less revolting) than most other bugs, regardless how helpful to humans they may be. God, we’re so superficial. It’s just this kind of attitude that allowed us to invent supermodels, who are clearly less useful to us than dragonflies.

But remember, ALL ladybugs cannot be benign. I’m sure that some beat their larvae or cheat on their income taxes. And lastly, all of God’s creatures great and small eventually poop. Be mindful of that every time a cute wadybug decides to cwal on you. To a ladybug, our arm or hand might be nothing more than a great, big toilet bowl.

Welp, happy gardening!

On Planets

Sometimes I miss ol’ Pluto. Stayed away from the crowd, never bothered anyone, maintained an air of mystery. It didn’t deserve its fate. Honestly, would you say the solar system is a better place without Pluto? I don’t think you can.

There are some who believe that the demotion of Pluto was politically motivated. That there was a need to reduce the number of planets receiving federal aid. Perhaps. But by that logic, wouldn’t it have made more sense to expel Jupiter? I think so.

Jupiter is the largest of all the planets—more than twice the size of all the other planets combined. Talk about your planetary bloat. And I mean that literally. Jupiter isn’t even made of solid rock; it’s completely comprised of gas. If that’s all it took to form a planet, there would be one right next to me on the sofa cushion. If you get my drift.

So I don’t know about you, but in the upcoming presidential election, I will be very interested to hear where the candidates stand on the issue of reinstating Pluto and expelling Jupiter.

It’s the Solar System, stupid.

What gives with this beast?
It is mammal? Is it bird? Is it alien with superior intelligence? Are we in danger of inevitably giving ourselves over to our platypusian overlords?
Hard to say. This thing has boggled the greatest minds of science. Politicians constantly pander to them, unsure of their origin or attitudes towards larger government. I think all platypuses are Jewish, but I might be projecting.
One day, I was convinced that I found a platypus egg (yes, they lay eggs for Christ’s sake!). So, I brought it home and placed under a light for warmth. After about 2 weeks without hatching, I lifted it up and dropped it by mistake and M&Ms came out. This merely adds to the scientific mystery that platypuses have become.
Some* say that these godforsaken critters actually are prehistoric survivors. That makes platypuses very old and likely quite grouchy. Therefore, I probably would not choose to cross a platypus for fear that it would shoot me with death rays from its eyes**. I also imagine that their beaver-like tails are razor-edged and extremely dangerous. This would make them a bad animal on which to sneak up.
Let’s face it. Platypuses are indestructible. Probably why they have all survived since prehistoric times. I bet T-Rexes changed their direction when they caught a  glimpse of one of these death-ray-shooting, razor-edged-tailed monsters.
I shiver just thinking about it. BRB, going to platypus-proof my house. Yeah, like that will help.
*- Well, I imagine some would say this.
**- Not verified by science.

What gives with this beast?

It is mammal? Is it bird? Is it alien with superior intelligence? Are we in danger of inevitably giving ourselves over to our platypusian overlords?

Hard to say. This thing has boggled the greatest minds of science. Politicians constantly pander to them, unsure of their origin or attitudes towards larger government. I think all platypuses are Jewish, but I might be projecting.

One day, I was convinced that I found a platypus egg (yes, they lay eggs for Christ’s sake!). So, I brought it home and placed under a light for warmth. After about 2 weeks without hatching, I lifted it up and dropped it by mistake and M&Ms came out. This merely adds to the scientific mystery that platypuses have become.

Some* say that these godforsaken critters actually are prehistoric survivors. That makes platypuses very old and likely quite grouchy. Therefore, I probably would not choose to cross a platypus for fear that it would shoot me with death rays from its eyes**. I also imagine that their beaver-like tails are razor-edged and extremely dangerous. This would make them a bad animal on which to sneak up.

Let’s face it. Platypuses are indestructible. Probably why they have all survived since prehistoric times. I bet T-Rexes changed their direction when they caught a  glimpse of one of these death-ray-shooting, razor-edged-tailed monsters.

I shiver just thinking about it. BRB, going to platypus-proof my house. Yeah, like that will help.

*- Well, I imagine some would say this.

**- Not verified by science.

Space Blog

If you look into the Western sky (which is pretty easy if you live in the Far East, I think), you will see two very bright stars.

ONLY THEY’RE NOT STARS THEY’RE ACTUALLY THE PLANETS JUPITER AND VENUS!

That’s right, planets. Like Earth, only more outer-spacey. This rare occurrence, which according to some sources* has not happened since the big bang, is a real astronomical treat. And since they are so close to the earth, they are easily visible with just the naked eye. Here, check it out:

Pretty good definition, wouldn’t you say? One can almost make out the cities and roads.

* - I might have made that up.

(picture via; click to embiggen and you really should)

Evil Experiment Dept.

Gah, it’s hard to believe that it’s that time of the year again—Science Fair. More like Science UN-fair. Apparently, on every final exam in every teachers’ college is a question related to the best time to assign a science fair project (Answer: over the Christmas break).

Now, I don’t like tooting my own horn (although who else would do it—that’s disgusting), but I have to admit that the projects on which we have worked have always done well in the Fair. On a couple of occasions, government operatives actually have sought me out for “conversations” about what we created. My son’s 3rd grade project in particular (code name: DEATH RAY) comes to mind. Interestingly, that one only received Honorable Mention. Figures.

But this year, mass destruction and/or world domination is taking a back seat to my own mental fatigue and physical laziness. And my son? He’s innocently playing Skyrim nonstop hoping that I will forget the whole matter. I suppose if his teacher cops an attitude over his missing project, he can always whip out ol’ 3rd grade Honorable Mention and put an end to that discussion. But then comes the subsequent paperwork and I did kind of make all sorts of promises to those nice guys from the government.

Therefore, we are proceeding with our tame experiment for this year. My son is interested in transportation, so we are building a device to move anatomic particles from one location in the basement to another. And perhaps we would get something accomplished if it wasn’t for that annoying little fly buzzing around.