Dear President Barack Obama,
Congratulations on winning the election yesterday, although you hardly could have done it without me. But this isn’t about me, is it? No, it’s about you.
Now that the election is over and you have vanquished your opponent, isn’t it time that you say what you really think about him? How about that hair, for example. Does that thing ever move? Mitt is kinda the anti-Trump in that regard, isn’t he?
And while we’re on the topic of being truthful about your opponents, do you think Paul Ryan is hot? My teen daughter sort of thinks so, and since you again are the leader of the free world, I would imagine that you’re an expert on pretty much everything.
But onto more important matters. What are we going to do about Katy Perry? Are you able to pass a National Law declaring that she really can’t sing, or is an amendment to the Constitution more appropriate? I ask because I dropped out of law school before that topic was discussed.
And what about Clint Eastwood? Is it legal to commit him to some kind of sanitarium, or can that only be done by a three-fifths majority vote in Congress. Laws are confusing.
I know that you have a couple of things planned for our country over the next 4 years, but I think a National Smoothie Day makes sense on a number of different levels. Nothing screams BIPARTISANSHIP like a smoothie. Except, perhaps, someone screaming, “BIPARTISANSHIP!” That works, too. And with smoothies, you won’t insult some right-wing, religious wingnut’s sensibilities. Hey, it’s not like we’re saying that we somehow evolved from smoothies. Although, I would have no objections if right-wing, religious wingnuts somehow evolved into smoothies.
Anyway, I forgot where I was going with this.
Well, have a nice 4 years. Rest assured that I will be voting for you in the next election as well.
Your Favorite American,