My Expectations For 2012

I am the internal optimist. Or something. I believe in the good in people and that tomorrow will be approximately 38% better than yesterday.

Therefore, I expect this 2012 to be my best 2012 yet.

  1. I will magically transform my body into a steely, rippled machine through nothing more than power napping and eating cheese.

  2. I will secure a significant raise by showing up to work everyday. That’s it. I plan on showing up. If they insist on productivity, they better offer me stock options. The fact I work in a public school is immaterial.

  3. I will improve my parenting skills by actually listening to what’s-her-name on those rare occasions in which she decides to speak to me. And I guess the same goes for that boy, too.

  4. I will set new standards for handsomeness on my block. If you have ever been to my neighborhood, you will know what a “lock” this one is.

Well, as you can see, the coming year is chock full of unrealized potential. And I’m just the kind of guy not to realize it, too.