Where I make some very good points about men’s shirts.

"Inconsistency makes my hair itch."

Double Your Standard - Double Your Fun

Sometimes, when I am not too careful, I find myself reading the local newspaper. But I am not interested in sports, business or even politics. I am interested primarily in fashion, specifically, how various female celebrities look when they show up to court.

Why is that important to their legal predicament, you may ask? I don’t really know; I never finished law school. But apparently it is or the intrepid, investigative reporter would not have gone to such great lengths to mention it…

"Ms. Lohan, resplendent in an inappropriately short, leopard print minidress and no underpants stood and addressed the judge."

Interestingly, these same reporters seem to give the male celebrities (and other defendants) a pass in this regard. Shocking, I know. Just once I would like to read…

"And then Mr. Clooney, wearing a chest-bearing, open collared, Armani shirt with sleeves rolled up to show off his luxurious arm-hair, broke down as the verdict was being read."

Scene From A Mall

  • Me: A lot of women seem to be wearing Uggs™. There must be something to them. Maybe I should buy a pair of Uggs™.
  • Teen Daughter: Dad, don't.
  • Me: Are they comfortable?
  • Teen Daughter: No.
  • Me: Do they make them for men?
  • Teen Daughter: No.
  • Me: Do they have them in my size?
  • Teen Daughter: No.
  • Me: Are they comfortable?
  • Teen Daughter: No.
  • Me: Take yours off. I want to try them on.
  • Teen Daughter: No.
  • Me: Then I'll just have to take my chances and order them online.
  • Teen Daughter: No...Mom!
  • Me: I think I would look cute in them...
  • Teen Daughter: MOMMMMM!
  • Me: You're hyperventilating.
  • Teen Daughter: I. Want. To. Die.

Fashion Blog

I’ve been on the planet for almost 50 years and still not one designer has invited me to his or her fashion show. This has to be some kind of record for a fashion blogger.

I want to see the cats walking down the catwalk — Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

Aspiration

I was just wondering. What does a guy have to do to become fashion Blogger? I mean, I like clothes; in fact, I wear them practically every day. So while I cannot say that I have ever worked in the industry, I certainly have extensive clothes experience.

So what would my fashion blog look like?

I’ll tell you. There would be a lot of commentary on sweatpants, athletic shorts and t-shirts. And underwear briefs—mostly white. And since I really don’t like shoes all that much, I probably devote several posts to sneakers. And flip-flops. And maybe water shoes, although that definitely bends more towards the exotic.

But that will be the appeal of my fashion blog. You’ll never know what you’re going to read next. Keeps the readers coming back for more, don’t you know.

Wrap-up: Costco Shopping Report

My wife and I went to the Wholesale Mecca yesterday and I bought myself some shorts.

That’s right. The place that manufactures 6-month supplies of mayonnaise also manufactures menswear.

Of Note: One pair of shorts I bought thoughtfully includes an Expand-O-Waistâ„¢ feature for fatties like me who tend to eat 6-month supplies of mayonnaise.

This Just Happened

I was taking my daughter to the dentist and she was complaining that my sweatpants were too tight.

And she was going on and on and on and…

That was all I remember.

Apparently, I lost consciousness due to a cut-off in circulation.

A Matter Of Comfort

To solve the conundrum of how to dress both comfortably and smartly at the office, I’ve taken to wearing pajamas. Matching, of course.

I find that among other things, pajamas allow me to fall asleep quickly during those frequent naps I take over the course of my workday. And due to its inherent fuzziness, my pajamas rarely look wrinkled upon waking.

So, I can go from sleepy-time to meeting-time with a minimum of fuss.

Not too long ago, I actually tried silk pajamas, thinking erroneously that it would impress both my co-workers and my supervisors. Surprisingly, I noticed little change in the regard or facial expressions I received from everyone in the office. In addition, I found myself repeatedly slipping off my leather desk chair. Particularly at nap time (see above).

In any event, where I work is a place of business. Therefore, I always try to remember to wear pajama tops with lapels. Except on Fridays, which as you know call for casual attire.

(picture via)

surrealism:

Mannequin by André Masson, 1938. Sculpture for the International Surrealism Exhibition Shown at the Galerie St. Phillipe du Roule, Paris, 1938.

This has to be the worst bridesmaid ensemble I ever saw.
Ladies, I feel your pain.

surrealism:

Mannequin by André Masson, 1938. Sculpture for the International Surrealism Exhibition Shown at the Galerie St. Phillipe du Roule, Paris, 1938.

This has to be the worst bridesmaid ensemble I ever saw.

Ladies, I feel your pain.

Calling All Womens

I keep reading in your magazines (Hey, I’m married. My wife gets a bunch of them.) about outfits that are “kicky”.

What exactly is “kicky”?

The mouth-breathing troglodyte that used to sit next to me in 3rd grade was kicky, but my sophisticated fashion sense tells me that the magazines are referring to something else.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand women.

Or kickiness.