Serious Thinks Thought Here

I’ll admit it. I have a desire to take over the world. At first, I debated whether or not to go public with this. But then I remembered that EVERY supervillain defiantly announces both their intention and their plan for accomplishing it.

And so here we are.

Anyway, it all started several years ago when I noticed a peculiar thing. Being naturally polite, I tend to hold doors open for people behind me. But amazingly, without thinking, I have this penchant for letting go of the door at the perfect time so that it closes right on the same person I was trying to help in the first place.

Now, I asked myself how I can turn this power into a way to establish my supreme…er…supremacy. My first idea was to devote my life to holding doors open for people and then letting it go at the perfect time. At some point, the human race would just give up.

But bringing the human race to its knees one person at a time might be a little time-consuming. No, I had to devise something more…shall we say…efficient?

Which brings me to my master plan. I will build a door the size of the entire planet. Then, I will walk ahead and open the door for the Earth to go through on its orbit around the sun. And then, just as it gets into the doorway, I’ll let go and…

On your knees, puny humans.