On Oz (The Wonderful Land Of—Not The Doctor)

As a kid I always wished that I could live in the Land of Oz. Forever. Along with the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion and especially the Scarecrow, with whom I felt some kind of kindred spirit (that’s right, we both have diplomas and our heads stuffed with straw).

In fact, while watching the film, all I could think to myself was “Is that Dorothy crazy? Why the hell would she ever want to leave a great place like that? To return to Dutch Bowl, Kansas, located somewhere in Tornado Alley just to live with a bunch of Republican goobers?” Made no sense to me. Even as a 5-year-old.

As a full-time resident of Oz, I imagined, I would have the right to vote for Mayor of Munchkin Land and even for Wizard. Perhaps if I had political ambitions of my own, I might run for one of those offices myself.

Under those circumstances, I wondered what sort of campaign promises I would make. I don’t suppose health care is much of an issue there (nobody seemed to get sick or hurt during the movie—only dead). However, they did appear to have problems with flying monkeys and apple-chucking trees with pissy attitudes. Can you say “internment camps”? I’m convinced that would have pulled in the Emerald City vote for sure.

On the other hand, I do imagine the taxes are rather high in the wonderful land of Oz. Did you ever take a gander at the condition of the Yellow Brick Road? Not a pothole to be seen. That kind of infrastructure doesn’t come cheap, my friend.