Serious Thinks Thought Here

I Admit It

Sun, 19 May 2013 09:27:50 -0400

Yesterday, I had a full glass of wine with dinner and lost my senses. I began taking dangerous risks. Like driving while I was busy texting. But then I did the unfathomable. I made an offer to buy Tumblr.

That’s right. In the middle of an alcohol-fueled stupor, I called David Karp (born David Carp - like the fish) and offered him the entire contents of my wallet for his prized blogging platform.

$16.

Mr. Karp (or should I say Carp, David?) was remarkably polite if a little befuddled as to how I found his phone number. Little does he know that all theme designers embed it into their code; just their way of stickin’ it to the man. In any event, he kindly informed me that my offer was approximately $1.3 billion short of some other offer he’d been entertaining.

But I knew the truth. It was because I was Jewish.

Your creativity is inspiring.

Sat, 18 May 2013 12:49:50 -0400

Your creativity is inspiring.

"The reason I love whales so much is because they rarely ask to borrow money."

Sat, 18 May 2013 09:07:00 -0400

“The reason I love whales so much is because they rarely ask to borrow money.”

- Me.

Mother’s Day bouquet - 1 week later (They’re...

Fri, 17 May 2013 16:54:04 -0400

Mother’s Day bouquet - 1 week later

(They’re cheaper than the ones you buy ON Mother’s Day.)

felistella: breakingnews: Cicadas rise from the ground on the...

Thu, 09 May 2013 19:30:00 -0400

felistella:

breakingnews:

Cicadas rise from the ground on the U.S. East Coast

NBC News: After spending 17 years underground, cicadas began crawling from the ground today on the US East Coast. The emergence of these flying bugs is in its earliest stage, with billions expected to swarm by the end of the month.

The cicadas emerge to remove their shells and mate.

Though the bugs are mostly harmless, the swarm’s 90-decibel buzz can be an annoyance. The swarm typically lasts four to six weeks beginning in the Carolinas and moving north toward Washington DC, Philadelphia and New York.

See a map of the most recent sightings here: http://bit.ly/15tQYki

Photo: Cicadas climb up a telephone pole in Annandale, Va., during the Brood X emergence in May 2004.(Ron Edmonds/AP)

Cicadas are awesome.

Aaaaggggghhhhh CICADAS WILL INVADE YOUR PROPERTY AND TURN YOUR NUMBERS UPSIDE-DOWN!

See, it’s already started!

Feeling a little prickly of late.

Wed, 08 May 2013 20:58:56 -0400

Feeling a little prickly of late.

alisonagosti: Jason and the Argonauts skeleton fight I like...

Tue, 07 May 2013 17:41:18 -0400

alisonagosti:

Jason and the Argonauts skeleton fight

I like skeletons as much as the next guy—maybe more. But you have to admit, they aren’t exactly the fastest moving of foes.

To be fair, however, they are dead.

Today Is The NYC 5-Boro Bicycle Tour

Sun, 05 May 2013 10:01:00 -0400

I did this once. But once you’ve seen bicycles in all 5 NYC boros, you’ve pretty much seen them all.

Tonight I Attended My First Boxing Match

Sat, 04 May 2013 21:47:08 -0400

And I was amazed how one of them was able to place a crystal vase in it and have it completely wrapped within 2 minutes.

I am at a party where one of the fun games is digging shallow...

Sat, 04 May 2013 16:57:42 -0400

I am at a party where one of the fun games is digging shallow graves. Hey, where’s that guy I was just taking to?

yellowshark: San Ber’dino // Frank Zappa & The Mothers Of...

Sat, 04 May 2013 10:57:00 -0400

yellowshark:

San Ber’dino // Frank Zappa & The Mothers Of Invention

iTunes
Amazon

Favorite Frank Zappa tune. Dig the righteous funky coda, courtesy of Johnny Guitar Watson.

jala: (via dąbzupaziębowa) Yep. Still leading the world in all...

Sat, 04 May 2013 10:50:11 -0400

jala:

(via dąbzupaziębowa)

Yep. Still leading the world in all things.

Dear god. Someone murdered this plastic packet. Dum-dum. at...

Thu, 02 May 2013 07:23:45 -0400

Dear god. Someone murdered this plastic packet.

Dum-dum.

at MTA Subway - 18th Ave (D) – View on Path.

...and I turned to Buddha last night at the bar

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 09:29:37 -0400

Me: So what do you think of those Knicks?

Buddha: A man who nicks his face shaving can be commended for at least attempting to better himself.

Me: Yeah, whatever fatso. How 'bout eating a salad every now and again.

Another Career Change Idea

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 19:45:00 -0400

I’ve written before about how I think I am ready for a career change. Unfortunately, my brief foray as a pirate did not go well. So, now I am contemplating other possible jobs suited for my very specific skill set.

One of the things that I believe I do well, but not enough of in my present career, is think. However, I find that in between current job tasks, I tend to think a lot. Like how I did a rather crappy job on the previous task and how I am going to get out of doing the upcoming task. Yep, I am a thinker.

Which got me thinking (see what I did there?). Perhaps I could work in a think tank. I could become a think tank thinker. And needless to say, those who work in a think tank are held in high esteem by politicians and people.

All that being said, I do have some reservations about working in a think tank. For example, I imagine it would get kind of cramped if you had more than a couple of people in the think tank at the same time. Also, we would have to be careful not to point the big gun at anybody—or god forbid—fire it. I am a little worried that if I was too distracted by thinking things, I might accidentally fire the think tank gun. Or have it run over somebody.

You know, on second thought, I don’t think I can handle the stress and pressure of working in a think tank. I better keep my current job of manually testing intercontinental ballistic missile warheads.

surrealism: On the First of March, Crows Begin to Search by...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 21:07:14 -0400

surrealism:

On the First of March, Crows Begin to Search by Kay Sage, 1947. Oil on canvas.

To be honest, I had to search for the crows in this thing.

How To Blog And Get Rich

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 14:35:52 -0400

First things first. Blogging.

Are you more interesting than the average bear? Of course you are. That’s why you have decided to write a blog. Clearly, the rest of the world eagerly awaits your every written word.

But what to write about? Some blogs are specialty blogs, with posts that focus on one particular theme. Like food. Or fashion. Or other people’s pictures of cats doing silly things.

But you? You are too interesting to crank out that kind of crap. No, you need to start a “vanity” blog. One that houses your every thought, feeling and opinion on a variety of topics that are important to you. Like food. Or fashion. Or other people’s pictures of cats doing silly things.

And what about the second part? Well, if you drive down Interstate 95 to my brother-in-law Rich’s house, you can get him there. Unless he’s at Costco. Then you’ll have to wait to get Rich.

Dammit.

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 08:07:30 -0400

Dammit.

The Decision

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 20:20:32 -0400

Today was one of those beautiful Spring days. Sunny. A little warm but not hot. Makes me think back to last year and my first attempt at gardening.

I recall buying myself some seeds at the local nursery. I don’t remember if they were vegetables or flowers but it really doesn’t matter, does it? I planted them in rows according to packet directions and then watered them with care.

That’s the thing about seeds, you have to remember to water them. And I did. Daily. And after the first 5 days, I watered them weekly. Until one day after coming home from work, I noticed rows of seedlings where there once were rows of seeds.

This was a proud moment. Like fatherhood but without college tuitions. I marveled at my latest offspring, stooping down to gander at them every day after work.

Then one day I glanced at the seed packets, which I of course saved. It said that once the seedlings reached a certain height, I had to “thin” them. “Thin”? What did that mean? I looked up the term on a gardening Web site and was aghast.

Apparently, I needed to pull out several, perfectly healthy plants from the soil so that other plants can live(?!). The packet was basically asking me to commit murder. I so carefully brought these lives into the world and now some stinking piece of paper was telling me to take them back out again.

But which plants were to live and which were to die? How was I to choose? This was not a decision to be made impulsively. No, I had to sleep on it. I made sure not to mention anything to the plants so as not to make them nervous or suspicious.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well. I mean, who could under the circumstances? Still, I knew I had to make a choice. Sophie’s Choice.

So, in the end I chose to sell the house and move into a 5th floor apartment. Still haven’t told the wife, though.

yhf: witch-boots: fornicating: Cindy Clark, a...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 16:54:36 -0400

yhf:

witch-boots:

fornicating:

Cindy Clark, a Pennsylvania-based dog breeder decided to share these images of her then 3-month-old nephew with a few 3-week-old French bulldog puppies.

Ok bye I have up and died from these pictures

I had to stop and rewrite the caption for this reblog because it was originally along the lines of “HOLY WHAT THE LOOK AT THE FIRST PICTURE I WAS LOST AT FIRST GLANCE IT’S A BABY PEOPLE WITH BABY DOGS AND SADNESS IS HELD AT BAY.”
Actually, I just bracketed the first draft with an explanation and quotation marks.

Yeah I reblogged these photos because I too have a heart and a soul. And because puppies and babies are delicious.