Serious Thinks Thought Here

I recently made my way through my local mall. The thought of that, in itself, is enough to have me wake up in the middle of the night in a pool of sweat (that is sweat, isn’t it?). But it is what I saw in the mall that is giving me that queasy, barfy feeling in my belly.

I am referring to the Eyebrow Threading kisok. You know, right after the Pixelated-Photo-On-A-Tshirt-For-Grandpa kiosk. Now normally, I try to move as quickly as I can past all of the kiosks, lest some carnival huckster con me into buying a lifetime supply of acne mud. But once I caught a glimpse of eyebrow threading, I had to gawk like a mid-westerner at a County Fair freak show.

In some cases it looks like someone is attempting to play Cat’s Cradle a little to close to another person’s face. Careful now, or you’ll poke somebody’s eye out.

However, with the fingers of both hands moving quickly and one end of the thread in the threader’s mouth, it give the impression of a giant spider looking to encase its snared prey into its web.

Either way, it is thoroughly creepy.

I have to admit something, though. I have no idea what the desired outcome of this horrifying activity is. I imagine that the customers are somehow lulled into a trance of sorts (perhaps pharmaceuticals or hallucinogens are involved) and then later consumed by the “threaders” after the mall closes.

In any event, I just felt compelled to inform you of this malevolent activity taking place in malls all across the country. I’m like the guy at the end of “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers”.