Serious Thinks Thought Here

As I troll the blogosphere, I see that many people are using this opportunity to sum up the events in their lives over the past year. This is particularly useful to us regular readers of their blogs, which are basically comprised of the goings-on in their lives. I only wish I had thought of doing a year-end retrospective sooner.

In any event, I have to admit that 2012 was a fairly memorable year, if only because I am old and cannot remember much of what occurred before.

January - I had my first book published. That’s what you call it when you print out your Twitter feed on a laserjet and give it to your mom, right?

February - I discovered the cure for a rare disease.

March - I discovered the rare disease for which I previously discovered the cure (see above).

April - I paid over $5000 in federal income taxes. Unfortunately, it turned out that I owed nearly $10,000.

May - I had the opportunity to study the tax code in a semi-private “room” in between bouts of doing the laundry for my “suitemates” and lifting weights in the “schoolyard”.

June - I received my honorary doctorate in Money Management from an online university and it only cost me 2 month’s salary.

July - I starred in my first film. That’s what you call it when your cellphone inadvertently videos your reaction as it falls into the toilet, right?

August - I turned 50 years of age and defied science by evidencing no increase in wisdom since I turned 11.

September - I won the Powerball jackpot, albeit during an off-peak drawing. Still, had I won another $5, it would have covered the cost of playing.

October - I formally submitted my thoughts for balancing the national debt. Had I used a different color of crayon, I have no doubt that my ideas would have been seriously considered by Congress.

November - For the first time, I actually backed a viable candidate for president. Unfortunately, it was Teddy Roosevelt.

December - I finally created a list of New Year’s resolutions that I might actually keep, starting with STOP WASTING OTHER PEOPLE’S TIME. I feel real good about this one, folks.