What Thanksgiving needs is a mythos. That whole, quaint Pilgrim crap is completely lost on this generation of kids. What is needed is something to compete with Santa, the Easter Bunny and Sid The Talking Arbor Day Tree.
So without further ado, I present my Thanksgiving Day mythos.
"On Thanksgiving Day morning, all the little good girls and boys wake up with smiles on their faces, knowing full well that during the night, Tom The Uncooked Turkey visited their house with his basket full of brussel sprouts and dear god this is why Thanksgiving sucks and everyone can’t wait until Christmas."