Serious Thinks Thought Here

Evan sparkled like no vampire ever had the right to sparkle.

“I am looking particularly fabulous tonight” said Evan to the emptiness that stared back at him in the mirror. “But I think I missed a spot shaving.”

“Oh Evan,” cooed Miranda who was taking in all his glittery sparkleosity, “will our love endure for all time or perhaps even longer?”

“LOL” replied Evan. “Ours is but a fleeting hookup. You have already begun to lose your youth, while I sparkle still.”

“But Evan, we only met last night at the Young Republicans Mixer.”

“I’m sorry, but did you say something, old lady?”

“But Evan—”

“Look, Miranda. It’s nothing personal. But a vampire’s gotta vamp. Wherever I hang my hat is my casket, and so on. Be well, my little…wrinkled…prune.”

And then Evan was gone. Leaving nothing but hurt feelings and a trail of glitter not unlike the slimy trail left behind by the common garden slug. Albeit one with six-pack abs.

“Goodbye forever, Evan” lamented Miranda as she slowly turned around and updated her Facebook page with vicious rumors about Evan’s sexual orientation, endurance and opinions about the role of big government in the lives of private citizens.

“Goodbye…”