All this hullabaloo about @gordonshumway winning on Jeopardy (shame such an attractive woman had to be saddled with such a masculine name, by the way) reminds me of my experiences on the show. Which, you might be surprised to learn, did not turn out quite as well as Gordon’s…

Alex: ‘Government’ for $200—The First President…<beep>…Dave?

Me: George Washington!

Alex: Question, please.

Me: The First President

Alex: No. Please phrase your answer in the form of a question.

Me: Then it wouldn’t be an answer, now would it Alex?

Alex: Let me demonstrate, “Who is George Washington?”

Me: <beep> The first president!

Alex: Perhaps you have lived in a bubble for 35 years and have never seen our show, Dave. All responses are to be phrased in question format. Do you understand?

Me: Um, What is the thing you ask someone who appears confused?

Alex: Not now!

Me: What is another way of saying ‘later’?

Alex: Let’s cut to a commercial.

Me: What does Alex Trebek say when he is getting a migraine?