On Sainthood

So I see they’re installing 2 new saints today. That brings the total number to something like 823. Man, that’s a lot of righteous people. I would have guessed the number wasn’t much higher than 16.

According to scripture, in order to become Saint, one has to perform at least 1 verifiable miracle. Between you and me, the fact that I haven’t been audited by the IRS in 30 years should qualify, given my suspect math. But thankfully, this cannot be verified by anyone. Um, I mean until now.

It seems that the quality of miracles being performed by would-be saints has dropped in recent times. Back in the good ol’ days, people would part red seas, raise the dead, and feed a large group of people with a single loaf of bread.

Nowadays, not hitting or cursing at someone on the morning train commute qualifies.

I think the best part of being a saint would be being named the Patron Saint of something. When I become a saint—notice how I didn’t say, if—I will be named the Patron Saint of Humility. It’s only fitting.

Interestingly, the Jewish faith does not mention much about saints. We’re more into prophets, it appears. Jewish scripture mentions both major and minor prophets. Major prophets would predict 40 years of famine or that some miscreants will build a heinous Idol of a calf right in God’s own backyard. The minor prophets were prone to state things like, “I knew you were going to say that!” and “Looks like it’s going to rain soon.”

Anyway, a big hosanna to the new saints in the Roman Catholic faith. I’m sure you were both great guys and we sure need more of them to offset the doofuses, douchebags and tools that abound on this Earth.

I’m looking at you, Guy Fieri, if you haven’t already burst into flames by this time.

Time And Space

On Cosmos, Neil DeGrasse Tyson stated that when we look at stars in the sky we are not seeing them as they are in the present. Nay, due to the time that light takes to reach our eyes from the stars’ great distances, we are actually seeing what they were like millions of years ago.

By extension, when we look at each other we are not seeing what the other person looks like at the present moment, but at some moment in the past.

All I have to say to all of you is, man, you have really let yourself go.

One of my favorite tracks, this has the perfect combination of gonzo guitar riffs, Johnny Rotten vocal delivery (patent pending) and totally subversive lyrics. It’s no wonder the UK establishment completely feared the Sex Pistols for the entire 8 seconds they were in existence.

Sex Pistols — Holidays In The Sun