So I see they’re installing 2 new saints today. That brings the total number to something like 823. Man, that’s a lot of righteous people. I would have guessed the number wasn’t much higher than 16.
According to scripture, in order to become Saint, one has to perform at least 1 verifiable miracle. Between you and me, the fact that I haven’t been audited by the IRS in 30 years should qualify, given my suspect math. But thankfully, this cannot be verified by anyone. Um, I mean until now.
It seems that the quality of miracles being performed by would-be saints has dropped in recent times. Back in the good ol’ days, people would part red seas, raise the dead, and feed a large group of people with a single loaf of bread.
Nowadays, not hitting or cursing at someone on the morning train commute qualifies.
I think the best part of being a saint would be being named the Patron Saint of something. When I become a saint—notice how I didn’t say, if—I will be named the Patron Saint of Humility. It’s only fitting.
Interestingly, the Jewish faith does not mention much about saints. We’re more into prophets, it appears. Jewish scripture mentions both major and minor prophets. Major prophets would predict 40 years of famine or that some miscreants will build a heinous Idol of a calf right in God’s own backyard. The minor prophets were prone to state things like, “I knew you were going to say that!” and “Looks like it’s going to rain soon.”
Anyway, a big hosanna to the new saints in the Roman Catholic faith. I’m sure you were both great guys and we sure need more of them to offset the doofuses, douchebags and tools that abound on this Earth.
I’m looking at you, Guy Fieri, if you haven’t already burst into flames by this time.
In order to reduce my intake of processed food products, I decided to have honey in my tea tonight instead of sugar.
Then it hit me.
I was eating something THAT WAS MADE BY BUGS.
It’s like I’m on an episode of ‘Survivor’ here.
On Cosmos, Neil DeGrasse Tyson stated that when we look at stars in the sky we are not seeing them as they are in the present. Nay, due to the time that light takes to reach our eyes from the stars’ great distances, we are actually seeing what they were like millions of years ago.
By extension, when we look at each other we are not seeing what the other person looks like at the present moment, but at some moment in the past.
All I have to say to all of you is, man, you have really let yourself go.
Planning to watch Cosmos tonight in order to learn what sort of evolutionary mutation is responsible for a sentient subset of rabbits bearing eggs in baskets.
They call it Good Friday. However, today was the day that Jesus was crucified, after being made to carry his own form of execution through the city and not too long after one of his besties betrayed him for a small bag of coins.
At best, it should have been called Meh Friday.
"David Leibowitz turns the how-to genre inside-out with his latest effort, ‘Ventriloquism For Dummies’”.
The bitterest Herb is my uncle, who still can’t believe after all these years he was passed over for that job back in 1968.
Passed over. Hehe.
I’m like the 11th plague.