OK. First you look quizzingly at your phone while it rings for almost an eternity.

"How do I silence the ringer?"
“How do I answer this godforsaken thing?”

Then you proceed to carry out a loud, prolonged conversation with the calling party. Too bad your phone obscured your vision to the point where you could not see the sign asking everyone to refrain from cell phone use in the waiting room.

I hope your MRI sucks out all the metal fillings in your teeth have a nice day.

OK. First you look quizzingly at your phone while it rings for almost an eternity.

"How do I silence the ringer?"
“How do I answer this godforsaken thing?”

Then you proceed to carry out a loud, prolonged conversation with the calling party. Too bad your phone obscured your vision to the point where you could not see the sign asking everyone to refrain from cell phone use in the waiting room.

I hope your MRI sucks out all the metal fillings in your teeth have a nice day.

Observation

Here is how my 85-year-old mother-in-law spends a typical day: First, she goes out onto the back porch. Then, for some reason 10 minutes later, she walks through the house and goes onto the front stoop. A few minutes later, she walks through the house and returns to the back porch. After a few more minutes, she again leaves the back porch, walks through the house and makes yet another appearance on the front stoop.

It’s like watching a ping pong match with the oldest ball ever.

While Watching "The Insider" Last Night

  • TV: We now turn to our 'Sex Expert' [name forgotten] for insight on this important Hollywood story...
  • Me (to wife): What makes someone a "sex expert"? I mean, did she just have a lot of sex? I've had a lot of sex over the years, maybe I can become a sex expert.
  • Wife: *giggles*
  • Me: Maybe she's particularly good at sex. I think I'm particularly good at sex. I really think I can become a sex expert. You know, I've been looking for something to do after I retire in a few years.
  • Wife: Then it's a good thing you have a generous pension plan.
  • Me: I'll show you my "generous pension plan".
  • Wife: Not too expert-y right there, pal.